istock.com

Server Chronicles: Birthdays

Hi how are you, my name is Mar-

“IT’S HER BIRTHDAY”

Oh.

Ok.

“IT’S HER BIRTHDAY WHAT DOES SHE GET?”

A smile and well-wishes from me.

Is that enough?

 

I know you only came out on your birthday to get something for free, but it doesn’t work like that here.

When you ORDER a dessert, meaning: buy, purchase, PAY FOR, we can decorate that plate and sing to you.

Nothing is free people; I don’t know why I have to say that so much.

There are restaurants that give you a decent free dessert, but you are in the wrong place for that.

“Oh, that’s it?”

Yes. Yes it is.

 

I love birthdays.

Well, some birthdays.

I understand that a lot of people love to go to dinner and celebrate, you know, make a night of it.

But expecting something for free at a restaurant goes too far. Your friends really should have gotten you a cake.

Re-evaluate your friends.

 

But when you tell me there are three birthdays at your table. I don’t believe it.

“Oh well her birthday was last month and hers is tomorrow and mine is today.”

Ok, like I said, you’re not getting anything for free.

 

I will do my best to pretend to care and hope you tip me afterward.

 

The best is when they whisper it to you. As if it’s the person’s first day alive and didn’t know you were doing that.

So I come up and surprise them with a candle, and they turn red, and sometimes they’re mad.

Sorry, I was forced to do this.

And finding people who aren’t too busy to sing with you on a Friday night isn’t the easiest thing, and most of the time it sounds terrible. We aren’t singers or entertainers. We are sweaty, tired, and trying to make some money.

 

Courtesy of theodysseyonline.com

 

I love when it’s a child’s birthday. They get all excited or scared, and it’s funny and cute. I will absolutely care and have a real smile.

But when it’s your 42nd birthday and you just want to try to get something for free, I’m not that excited – sorry.

And when I bring the check and you say “you charged me for my dessert.”

I sure did.

“But it’s my birthday.”

 

You still have to pay to renew your vehicle registration when it’s your birthday.

You still paid your rent and all your other bills, didn’t you?

Life doesn’t stop or become free because it’s your birthday.

 

When I got pulled over two days after my birthday last year, I didn’t say, “but it was my birthday this week, I shouldn’t have gotten a ticket.”

 

Especially when you’re an “adult” you should realize that. I use the term adult loosely because most adults become children when they go out to eat.

 

Happy birthday.

meet the writer

Avatar

the latest

Derek occasionally gets homework assignments from daycare. It mostly consists of him learning how to trace his own name, and some very simple math problems – simple if you’re way above the age of 4, that it is. But it’s homework nonetheless. And we want Derek to know the importance of school, especially since he’ll … MORE>>
10. “Rides are always free,” drivers say. “Tips are always appreciated.” 9. Hours are 11 a.m. to 11 p.m. 8. Call 941-444-2585 for an iRide. (Soon there will be a Gotcha app for smartphones.) There are no set routes; you can hail any of the colorful electric vehicles you see on the street. 7. The downtown service area extends … MORE>>
Derek has decided he wants to be a firefighter when he gets older. Keep in mind he’s 4 and he can’t decide what color pajamas he wants to wear to bed. So that may change. But the good thing is I have used this to our advantage. Derek wants to grow and big to become … MORE>>
OMG, OMG, OMG! Fans are finally getting to see the first teaser trailer for the latest Star Wars film. The trailer was officially released at “Star Wars Celebration” in Orlando today. “The Last Jedi” (Episode VIII) will be in theaters on December 15.   The offical poster has also been released.         … MORE>>
Apparently, today is National Beer Day. April 7th is the celebration of when beer became legal again in the United States after the Cullen-Harrison Act was signed into law by President Franklin Roosevelt on March 23, 1933. Sounds like it may have caught on as National Beer Day in 2009, when Justin Smith of Richmond, … MORE>>
Thanks to the city of Sarasota, Lido Beach just got a bright new addition: a cerulean marker displaying how high sea levels are projected to rise in the next 100 years. Here’s the thing–the facts are scary. We said it. To name just a few: In less than 15 years, by 2030, sea levels are … MORE>>
I hate eggs. Hate them. You can scramble them, poach them, make them sunny side up, and then you can go ahead and stuff yourself because I want nothing to do with them. I have a hard time watching people eat eggs. I liked French toast until someone told me it was nothing more than … MORE>>
Ringling College of Art + Design will be showcasing the best work in each major, in the annual Best of Ringling. The outstanding student work was selected by a jury of visiting artists and faculty members. The majors include: Advertising Design 
Business of Art and Design Computer Animation Film Fine Arts 
Game Art Graphic Design … MORE>>
It’s rare to see eight female filmmakers lined up in a row discussing their short film and documentary work–mostly because it’s rare to see eight women filmmakers together in one room at all. But that’s exactly what we saw Saturday evening at the reception for the 18th annual Through Women’s Eyes Film Festival, highlighting women … MORE>>
Tomorrow is April Fools’ Day. I’m sure social media will be a minefield of shenanigans. There are some do’s and don’ts to follow. Do: Make your prank harmless. Don’t: Trust anyone. Good luck. MORE>>