The Big Guava Festival will bring some great acts to Tampa’s MidFlorida Credit Union Amphitheater at the Florida State Fairgrounds May 8 and 9. Headliners include The Strokes, Pretty Lights, The Pixies, Hozier, Passion Pit, AWOLNation and Run the Jewels.
Party-goers can expect craft beer, fair rides, regular beer, food trucks, mildly expensive beer, a wide range of music and insanely expensive beer.
Drifting (or stumbling) among these delights will be thousands of fans eager to hear their favorite artists and have a good time. But there are a few characters who always seem to attend these types of events. They include:
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1.) The guy covered in excessive sweat
Make no mistake – it will be hot at the festival. Highs in Tampa this weekend are expected to climb to 91 on Friday and 92 on Saturday. The humidity will make your shirt stick to your chest as soon as you walk up to the entrance line. Sure, everyone will sweat.
But not like this guy.
It looks like he went swimming in ginger ale. He smells like a skunk ape. Inevitably, he will end up next to you, raising his arms high up in the air to signal his appreciation for James Blake. This is especially true if you are a short girl whose nose is at most men’s armpit level.
*You can bring in refillable Camel Baks and water bottles to the festival, so long as they are empty when you enter the venue.
(Rodrigo Pena/AP Images for Arizona Beverages)
2.) The over-prepared partier
Sunscreen? Check. Hidden granola bars? Check. Band-Aids in case you develop a blister? Check. Bug spray? Obviously, it’s f*cking Florida.
Photo by Matt Stamey
3.) The drunk guy determined to hit on anything with a pulse
You notice him before he notices you, but not in a good way. He’s probably yelling at some girl who told him to go away or dancing in a way that looks like an invisible man is giving him the Heimlich. But then he sees you. Uh oh.
He comes over and slurs out some offensive “compliments” while staring at your boobs. You try to look away, but he and his glowing fake tan are persistent. Only after you grab your significant other does he leave you alone, but not before sloppily threatening to fight.
Photo from istockphoto.com
4.) The raver
The allure will be too strong for some ravers to resist, with EDM acts such as Pretty Lights, Action Bronson, Milky Chance, Classixx, Big Data and Reptar. They’re pretty easy to spot. Look for kandi (pony bead bracelets), a barrage of neon, poi, gloves, an outlandish costume and/or grinding teeth.
Two concert goers kiss at the 2015 Coachella Music and Arts Festival on Saturday, April 11, 2015, in Indio, Calif. (Photo by Scott Roth/Invision/AP)
5.) The PDA couple
It starts off innocently enough, some light making out with the occasional boob swipe. Then his hands are in her pants pockets. Then they’re under the pants. Next thing you know they look like that Bradenton couple that just got convicted for having sex on a public beach.
Hey, it’s no big deal if it’s two consenting adults. But it’s mind-boggling to think they can’t wait until they get back to their cars.
