I don’t know a lot, but I do know what class looks like. My dad had it. Cary Grant had it and so did Audrey Hepburn. But it seems to be in shorter supply these days, which is a bummer. I struggle with it. There is a mighty brat inside me that wants to be sarcastic to the chatty, slow cashier at Publix while I’m wearing sweatpants and a bedhead. But I don’t. And I try to follow these other rules too:
1. Don’t talk about how classy you are
The least classy thing you can do is talk about how classy you are. It swallows up all evidence of class and and vomits it back up as boorishness. In fact, the subject of class should be like the subject of money. If you have it, don’t talk about it.
2. Pick up the bill
You don’t have to be flush to occasionally pick up the bill for a friend. And it makes people feel GREAT about you. The memory of you paying for lunch or drinks will linger for years, and it will give you class. You don’t have to pay all the time (Unless you win the lottery. Then you have to pay all the time. Seriously, don’t be a cheapskate.) The trick to footing the bill in a classy way is to decide beforehand, but wait until the check comes to claim it. Be sure to peg the occasion to something special so that your companion doesn’t assume that your footing the bill is the New World Order.
3. Don’t brag
I once showed a new friend around my house and she kept muttering comparisons to her own home under her breath, effectively diminishing my home. I was confused until I realized that she was compulsively bragging like a seven-year-old. (“My couch is newer … my pool is bigger”) It turns out she suffered from a general case of arrested development that always left her looking un-classy. Buh-bye.
4. Greet others like a European
This one is hard to pull off. But if you can swing a European greeting without looking pretentious, it is awesome. Cheek kissing with a light arm-length hug shows people you are affectionate and not self-conscious. But limit it to friends who trust you and don’t hang on people. You don’t want to come off lecherous.
5. Groom yourself
Looking polished is an excellent way to give a first impression of being classy. Wash with soap, wear business casual or better and trim your nose hair. Like my friend Brian says: No person should ever, ever, ever wear sweatpants anywhere but the gym. And even then, they should be nice, clean sweat pants. One more thing about good grooming. It doesn’t actually make you classy. An equation to remember:
Polished + other classy behavior = Memorable classiness
Polished + no other classy behavior = Shallow Narcissism
6. Be civil
Agree to disagree, but keep your voice down and your insults to a minimum. Being passionate, political, outspoken is terrific. And having thoughtful opinions makes you cool. But to be classy means showing civility toward people you disagree with. The alternative is a world where you do not want to live.
7. Throw a dinner party
But not a pot-luck. I’m not saying don’t ever throw a pot-luck. I love pot-lucks. But if you want to be truly classy, you need to fully commit to taking care of your guests’ needs. Dinner parties are hard work and can be expensive, but nothing says class like hosting well.
8. Bring the wine
Or flowers, or fancy pink salt from SurLaTable. When your friend shows enough class to invite you to a dinner party, don’t drop the ball.
9. Don’t make fun of other people
You know that thing your mom used to tell you about “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything”? Well, here is why: Making fun of others is tacky, and she was worried about you looking like a buffoon. Mocking the way people walk, talk, look and act is wrong. No exceptions. Seal your reputation as a class-act by cutting out cheap shots. Try praising others behind their backs instead.
10. Put people before electronics
A social scourge of the ‘90s was people wearing bluetooth earpieces into social gatherings and allowing incoming call to interrupt face-to-face conversations. While we don’t wear our cell phones on our heads anymore, younger generations are beginning to prefer communicating by text rather than face to face. But that shouldn’t mean having those conversations any time. Emergencies and work issues notwithstanding, expecting friends and coworkers to wait while you chat is tacky. If you have to take the call or send a text, excuse yourself from the group so nobody has to witness your lack of restraint.