Server Chronicles: Patio People Part Two

Let’s revisit the patio.

The last time I wrote about people sitting on the patio, I told you how people sit there, by choice, in the summer months, and complain that it is too hot.


Well now it is “cool” in Florida, and we have the same sort of thing going on.

I am beginning to believe that people are just the worst no matter what time of year.

Wait, I already knew that.


So the second there is a little breeze, people start asking for the heaters on.

It is 70 degrees, it is not cold.

You are in tropical paradise, not Siberia.

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So then I have to stop what I am doing, and find someone that can turn the heaters on.

And then once it is on for a while, you ask me to turn it down because it is too hot.

Because it never should have been on in the first place.


Deep breaths.


You’ll love this one:

I was running food to a table on the patio that wasn’t mine.

She says: “You don’t provide blankets for people sitting on the patio?”

Excuse me while I die of laughter.

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Lady, are you serious?!

What restaurant have you been to where they provided patio blankets?

This is not an airplane.

This is not a hotel where you call for more blankets.

This is the patio of a casual-dining restaurant.

Please stay in your lane and realize where you are before you speak.


I laughed and said no.

And then I went inside and told everyone, and then we all laughed together.


Just remember that sitting outside is a choice.

They ask you when you walk in, “inside or outside?”

You said outside even though it is cold, breezy, about to rain, etc.

So do not act like it is our emergency to move you or cater to your every need because you can’t handle the weather.

A little harsh, but when aren’t I?

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Another thing about the patio, it is smaller and obviously closed off from the rest of the restaurant.

So when we are on an 85-name wait on a Saturday night, 85 names, and yes I wanted to walk out and never return, you can’t see the mobs or see how busy it is.

People on the patio think it isn’t that busy, and they want to know where their food is.


I always say, “I know you can’t see it out here, but it’s very busy inside, actually it’s the busiest day of the week, so it will be out soon.”


Anyone that says their food takes long on a weekend, I hate you.

You chose to come out during the busiest times, so you need to deal with the consequences of that.


The heaters make all of my makeup melt off because it isn’t cold and you are forcing me to be subjected to them.

So when you come to my restaurant and see me looking like the Joker, it is your fault, and once again, I hate you.

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Please sit inside.

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