There’s a reason our generation writes their condolences, congratulations and birthday greetings on Facebook.
We’d rather spend $5 on a latte than on Hallmark’s cheesy doves, rainbows and insincere script messages.
But greeting cards don’t have to be that way.
They can say things like “Meh,” “I’m sorry things suck,” “It’s time to get over his bitch ass” and “Bitch Please.”
And if that’s not enough to make the reader smile, you can stuff the cards with confetti that gives them the finger.
Meet Bailey Spasovski of Cheek & Pen Paper Co.
She’s the 29-year-old Sarasota artist who’s pulling the pleasantries from the greeting card industry and plugging a little more profanity, snark and silliness into snail mail.
She’d rather congratulate you on your “dad bod” than on your new baby.
If its your birthday she’s not afraid to tell you you’re “Old as fuck.”
It’s Mother’s Day? She can get you a card that says “Sorry for being a shit” instead of one that uses Hallmark terms like “blessing,” “treasure” and “forever friend.”
(Because let’s be real. We were all little shits.)
She’s turned the traditional “Get well soon” sentiment into:
Fuckin’ Faker
UH? Is it contagious?
It’s just a man cold you’ll get over it.
The cards are blank inside, too.
So just in case your college roommate doesn’t think the “I don’t miss you” card is as funny as you do, you’ve got plenty of space to explain.
Bailey, a Bradenton native, took to the design desk last year after her daughter was born.
She loved motherhood and her baby girl, but was afraid of becoming “just a mom.” Art was a way for her to find herself again.
Each design is hand drawn initially and then color corrected on the computer in her in-home studio. She pulls her inspiration from pop culture, trash TV and a group of fellow moms she met during her pregnancy.
A year later, she has more than 90 designs available at her online store on Etsy.
Spider Lily Finery on Siesta Drive also carries some of her tamer cards.
Individual cards are priced at $4.50 each online, but she also sells bundles of three for $11, five for $17 and $10 for 30.
The middle finger confetti runs at $1.50.
That’s less than the cost of a latte.
And the smile this kind of honesty brings? Well that’s worth quite a bit more.